ADHD Coaching

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You may ask why someone might need an ADHD Coach. Isn’t it just like any other mental health disorder where you can go to therapy and find the help you need? On the surface, it may seem that simple, but the complexity of ADHD and how it affects a person’s daily life can be tricky to cover in therapy. In no way am I saying you shouldn’t go to therapy. It is a very valuable service that helps you in a lot of ways. The difference is how therapy benefits you compared to how coaching benefits you. Both have their place to support someone with ADHD and help them thrive.

When speaking about getting mental health help, some people will attribute therapy to stereotypical portrayal often shown in media. You sit in a room and talk to a person about your problems, they give you advice in some witty and relatable way, and then you go on your way enlightened with a new perspective. While this might happen from time to time, there are many facets to therapy you may know about. Therapy is much more than going and talking to someone for an hour about your current life.

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Depending on your needs, therapy can be a very emotional experience that uncovers a lot of difficult and painful experiences. The goal is to face them and process them in a healthy way so we can heal the parts of us that may have been neglected. It’s not an easy process, but necessary for a person to heal. This is how therapy can truly benefit someone with ADHD. Uncovering the shame, guilt, and trauma associated with ADHD. That way we can focus on thriving and not surviving.

So where does ADHD coaching come in if Therapy is so beneficial? Well, it can help you with everything in-between therapy.

Therapy

First and foremost I will always advocate for anyone to go to therapy. It is an incredibly powerful tool for people to utilize to become the best versions of themselves. In my opinion, it is beneficial even if you do not have an immediate mental health need. Having a person that you can talk to that is an outside perspective and give you educated insight that will help you make decisions without bias influences. I know many people may not have had positive experiences with therapy, but with the proper vetting process you can find the right support you need. It’s incredibly important to be comfortable with your therapist so you can benefit the most from the experience.

So, in what ways can therapy help you?

Specialized Help

Many people experience things throughout their life that impact them in ways that often times goes unnoticed. This is especially true when we are children and grow up in environments that are unhealthy, but normalized by the behaviors around us. This can lead to many difficulties for us as adults. Unhealed trauma, negative self talk, people pleasing, hyper independence, anxiety, depression, and many more issues that affect our behaviors. Therapy provides a safe space for people to get specialized help to uncover, dive deep, and help process these wounds. It can be incredibly intense, emotional, and difficult for someone to explore. That is why it is important to do so with a trained professional. They have the education and tools to help you process those deep wounds and utilize things like CBT, DBT, EMDR, and more to guide you through healing.

While therapy can be effective in helping your day to day life, in my experience, it is most effective helping you heal from difficult events in your life. These are the things we tend to avoid and tell ourselves it’s ok to ignore. Maybe we feel fine, or it made us into the person we are today. We carry these moments within us as guides to how we should behave without realizing the negative impact they cause. Therapy can help you process them, face the truth, and heal the damage it caused. So if you have experienced painful moments in your life and you’ve never gone to therapy, it might be something to consider.

ADHD Coach

So if you’re going to therapy, why would you need a coach? Honestly, it is entirely up to your own personal needs and your own desire to make changes. Having an ADHD coach as a support system can be extremely beneficial to you. Do you struggle with accountability? A coach can guide you through management tools to help yourself accomplish your goals. Some coaches, like myself, will even provide daily or weekly check ins to ensure you stay on the right track. Many people with ADHD struggle with consistency, and having someone there giving you the right kind of nudge to keep going is extremely helpful.

The Right Kind of Support
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As and ADHD coach, my job is to help you accomplish your goals, whatever they may be at the time. If you have struggled throughout your life, or find yourself feeling stuck, I can help. Sometimes, it’s as simple as education about our symptoms and how to manage them in different ways. Other times, it can be more involved, like sending daily writing prompts or teaching you how to better communicate your needs. People with ADHD will often struggle in ways others may not understand. Often times it can lead to misunderstandings that affect us in negative ways. Whether you’re in a relationship, or a parent to an ADHD child, I can help with that communication to ease any misunderstandings.

ADHD coaching is all about your day to day life. It tackles the things that affect you in your present moment and teaches you how best to handle everything. It is designed to help you thrive and become the person you want to be, and supports you on that path. Feeling stuck at your job? Feel unmotivated? Chores and daily tasks piling up? Have a major goal you want to accomplish? All these questions and more an ADHD coach can help you answer. If you want to find out if an ADHD Coach would be a good fit for you, you can schedule a consultation with me here.

Self Discovery: An ADHD Journey

The Identity Crisis

When you are 34 and discover after all these years you have been struggling with two severe mental health disorders, it can be an extremely jarring reality check. It’s difficult to struggle with all the times something went wrong and not knowing why it happened. People would call you lazy when there was so much effort. Relationships would fall apart for no reason. It’s a confusing and demoralizing experience. A newly diagnosed person’s whole identity is rocked to its core and you end up going on a long journey of self discovery.

For a lot of people, the year 2020 was a very intense and difficult period. It’s hard to even see positives from such a difficult year, but for me there were a couple. I got diagnosed ADHD a month before my 34th birthday, and I was put on the path towards something I truly love. While having ADHD can be extremely difficult, not knowing you have ADHD is like going through life studying all the wrong material you’re being tested on. Getting that diagnosis was a beacon towards understanding everything.

Up until that point I had been struggling with maintaining a job, a relationship, and my finances. I felt like a failure at life. My mental health was at an all time low. I had no direction on what I wanted to do going forward. I didn’t want to give up on myself. Determined, I started to research the things I was struggling with on a daily basis. After some googling, I discovered many of my symptoms pointed towards ADHD and dug deeper. After realizing this is what it was, I joined a peer support group on Facebook and found my validation. I went to therapy for the first time in 10+ years. When I got my assessment and diagnosis a sense of relief washed over me. I wasn’t broken.

The Choice to Move Forward

It was then that I made the choice that I wanted to help other people struggling with their mental health. To become better, I school to become a Peer Support Specialist to gain more training, and educated myself on everything I could about ADHD. With my knowledge I began helping the people around me as best I could. As my knowledge grew, I decided to expand myself to social media and began educating people on Tiktok, Twitter, and Instagram. As my presence grew and people found my knowledge beneficial, I decided to take my skills to the next level and create a coaching service. Soon, I will be open to providing ADHD coaching to anyone who needs help. I am incredibly grateful how everything has lined up for me. It has been hard, but I stayed strong and overcome. Follow me as I go deeper into my journey of self discovery, and work to change the stigma of mental health.

A Person Asks “Are You Scared?”

Relationships Are Difficult

Someone with ADHD can inadvertently cause harm to those around them without realizing what they are doing. This does not excuse the behaviors, nor should they be allowed to happen because of someone’s mental health. However, having open and honest communication can help alleviate any misunderstanding and potential harm to those we love. We get excited, invested and lose ourselves a bit when we find something new that is interesting. This includes people. Our tendency is to love bomb that person and go all in right away, which can look like narcissistic behaviors.

For someone with NPD, this is called the idealization phase of the abuse cycle. They become invested in the person, put them up on a pedestal, and pretend to be interested in the persons hobbies. They are only doing this to gather information about the person, to later use it against them during the devaluation phase of the cycle. This is extremely harmful behavior, and is something to watch out for in a partner. It can be easy to get sucked into this cycle, especially for ADHD people as we tend to act in a similar way and mistake the behavior for being understood.

For someone with ADHD, we do want to be genuine and are interested in our partners. We want to share things with them and connect with them on different levels. One of the best ways for us to do that is to share hobbies with the person and enjoy their company. It can be overwhelming for someone who isn’t used to this kind of attention, and appear to be clingy in a way. It’s our job to try and communicate with our partners, and maintain any boundaries that are set by them.

The biggest thing to remember is that no matter the excuse, abusive behavior is abusive behavior. If there is no accountability, empathy, and action to change, the person does not deserve your time or energy.

A Step Forward

For many ADHD people, life can be very difficult. It’s a mental health disorder that not many people truly understand, and when it’s the people around them that don’t, it can be feel extremely lonely. Even though ADHD is classified as a disability, it is one that can’t be seen, and so many people only think we are making excuses or lazy. They don’t see what is going on inside our heads. They don’t feel the overwhelm of thoughts, emotions, fear, doubt, shame, guilt, constantly buzzing in our minds telling us that we should be better. That other people can do these simple things, why can’t I?

It can be even worse for those of us who went undiagnosed for most of our lives. We struggled against things we didn’t even know we were fighting. We failed over and over again, and the frustration of those failures built up inside, because we tried so hard to succeed. Getting fired from jobs. Losing interest in things we know we love. Failed relationships and friendships without understanding what went wrong. Plus being told things like, “you just need to focus” when we tried to focus but still couldn’t. Instead, we were fighting an invisible enemy. Ourselves.

ADHD is much more than just a “hyperactive” disorder. It affects our emotions, the way we think and process information, our ability to do basic tasks like doing the dishes or taking out the trash, our perception of time, social skills, and much more. Then you have to deal with all the potential comorbid disorders as well like, depression, anxiety, CPTSD, dyslexia, BPD, and more. ADHD is much more than just a disorder to us, it is who we are as a person. It affects every aspect of our lives, and while some of us can function without much help and often excel in life, there are many who are disabled by ADHD. I am one of those people who struggles everyday with it, and if I did not have my medication I would not be functioning at all right now. I still struggle though. Medication is not a fix or cure, but a tool to help us be better.

I hope that through this blog and other social media outlets, I can bring awareness to something that affects an estimated 4.4% of adults in the United States alone. We’re not lazy. We’re not failures. We’re not making excuses. We are ADHD people, and we only want to be understood in this world.