Someone with ADHD can inadvertently cause harm to those around them without realizing what they are doing. This does not excuse the behaviors, nor should they be allowed to happen because of someone’s mental health. However, having open and honest communication can help alleviate any misunderstanding and potential harm to those we love. We get excited, invested and lose ourselves a bit when we find something new that is interesting. This includes people. Our tendency is to love bomb that person and go all in right away, which can look like narcissistic behaviors.
For someone with NPD, this is called the idealization phase of the abuse cycle. They become invested in the person, put them up on a pedestal, and pretend to be interested in the persons hobbies. They are only doing this to gather information about the person, to later use it against them during the devaluation phase of the cycle. This is extremely harmful behavior, and is something to watch out for in a partner. It can be easy to get sucked into this cycle, especially for ADHD people as we tend to act in a similar way and mistake the behavior for being understood.
For someone with ADHD, we do want to be genuine and are interested in our partners. We want to share things with them and connect with them on different levels. One of the best ways for us to do that is to share hobbies with the person and enjoy their company. It can be overwhelming for someone who isn’t used to this kind of attention, and appear to be clingy in a way. It’s our job to try and communicate with our partners, and maintain any boundaries that are set by them.
The biggest thing to remember is that no matter the excuse, abusive behavior is abusive behavior. If there is no accountability, empathy, and action to change, the person does not deserve your time or energy.